Raw Shaved Asparagus salad with Avocado

So here’s a little something’-somethhin’ from the “no-cook-vegan” part of our cookbook. Raw Shaved Asparagus salad with Avocado. The asparagus was getting kinda hairy, so we shave it. Just kidding. Super easy & tastes like a grassy knoll. Looks pretty on a plate though! 1 bunch (about 14) thick asparagus stalks makes 5 servings. Trim about 2” of the tough asparagus ends, and shave each stalk into thin ribbons with a vegetable peeler. Squeeze 2 tbsp of fresh lemon juice and add olive oil to a large bowl, add asparagus, salt & pepper to taste, mix and let marinate in the fridge for about a hour, mixing occasionally.  Serve with few slices of avocado, and enjoy your pee as a bonus. 

Rice Crispy Treats on steroids

Is it possible to develop objectophilia (...a pronounced emotional and often romantic desire towards developing significant relationships with a particular inanimate objects (Wiki)) towards a desert? Apparently it is.

I don’t know what it is about me and marshmallow-based deserts lately, must be that time of the month…. anywho…These pieces of goodness will make you love them at first bite, or at the very least put you into a sugar coma. 

 To make about 16-18  2x2 squares yee shall need:

2 heaping cups marshmallows, large or small

2 cups Rice Krispies cereal

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup dried cherries or cranberries

½ cup crushed thin pretzels

½ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 cup grated coconut, divided into 2 equal parts.  

Toast the coconut in the oven on 375 until golden brown, about 3-4 mins. Reserve ½ cup for later. While you are saliva-ing over the smell of toasted coconut, crush pretzels into small pieces; I like to do that by putting the pretzels into a zip lock bag and beating the crap out of them with something heavy. Pretzels crushed, I feel better, and 7 calories burned. Win-Win-Win.. Melt the marshmallows over medium/low heat stirring often for about 7 min.until fully melted, then incorporate vanilla extract. Remove from heat, add rice krispie cereal, ½ cup toasted coconut, dried cherries, crushed pretzels, and mix everything until evenly mixed. Working quickly, dump the whole sticky mess into a 9 x 13 parchment paper lined pan. When lining the pan with parchment paper, do yourself a favor and have enough there to close the parchment over the pan once the contents are in the pan. Press down over the parchment so the rice crispy mixture is of uniform thickness. You’ll need to let it cool completely, which  - you eager beavers - takes about 30 minutes. You can put in the fridge to cool faster if you must. Once the rice sheet cools, cut it into squares.(I hope you removed the parchment first). In the mean time occupy yourself by melting the chocolatechips in a bowl set over a simmering pot of water until fully melted. Dip one side of each square into the melted chocolate, then into the remaining toasted coconut. Let cool completely before serving. Enjoy your objectophilia!  

Shrimp Ceviche

It’s Shrimp Ceviche people! The ultimate no-cook summer treat!! Freakin’ tiny shrimp!!! Yay!!!!.... You’ve probably noticed that I’ve been lazy lately & don’t really feel like turning on the stove, so you’ve seen me post stuff like those marshmallow 5-minute owl faces... So if you’re like me right now – then this should be right up your alley. This could not be easier to make. Well, I guess it could be easier to make, if you just float all the ingredients whole in a bowl of lime juice, but hopefully you will give your guests the courtesy of a small dice at this par-tae.  Typically the recipe calls for cucumber, I didn’t have any so I used a tomato here. Whatevs, it’s still good.

You will need:

• 1/2 cup (preferably fresh ) lime juice 
• 1 lb tiny cooked shrimp.
• 1/2 red onion, diced  
• 1 jalapeno, diced very small
• 1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 1/2 cup ketchup (or chili sauce)
• About 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 1 cup seeded diced peeled cucumber
• 1 small ripe but firm avocado,  cubed
• Salt
• 
  

Toss the shrimp with lime juice, cover and refrigerate for about an hour. In a small strainer, rinse the onion under cold water, then shake off the excess liquid, ‘cuz you be cryin’ otherwise. Add to the shrimp bowl along with all other ingredients. Taste and season with salt. Cover and refrigerate if not serving immediately. BAM!  Serve with tortilla chips, or whatever other scooping agent you find palatable. PS: you can also substitute firm white fish like sea bass, if you have a fatal allergy to shellfish, or if you’re fancy. 

S'more treats

OMG people, here’s a treat for you. If you’re having “one of those nights” I suggest you sweep your pantry, and give yourself a mouthgasm with these.(Side note: the word “mouthgasm” is underlined in red, a.i. “not a word” according to Webster. As I right clicked to spell check it, it corrected to “Mouthwash”. Fail!)

All you need:

Crackers, broken in 2

Large Marshmallows, cut into circles

chocolate chips

5 minutes.

Assemble. Broil on low for a few minutes, not leaving the site. Remove. Notice how they stare creepily at you. Gorge. Regret. Gorge some more. WIN!  

Chicken & Wild Rice Soup

Hellooooo my peeps! I am back! Technically I was here all along, successfully ignoring your cries for more blog. But I have missed you, and soup, and so it goes like this: today we are making Chicken & Wild Rice  Soup. It’s so easy even a monkey can do it (yea, I’m talking to you.. you know who you are…). 15 minutes hands on, then it pretty much cooks itself.  

Yee shall need: 

  

2 large chicken breasts

1 yellow onion

2 cloves of garlic, chopped

3-4 cups chicken stock

½ cup dry wild rice  

1 can of chopped stewed tomatoes  

1 large carrot or 2 small ones, cut into circles

½ cup frozen corn kernels. 

Salt & pepper to taste

Crushed red pepper

3 tbsp lemon juice

Parsley ( flat leaf or curly, whatevs. )

Cut up chicken into mouth-manageable cubes (no larger than 1”).  Season chicken well with S&P. ( Notice my “Rachel Ray” EVOO approach to salt & pepper here).  Chop the onion and garlic, and brown with the chicken in a large soup pot with some vegetable oil for about 10 minutes on medium heat, until chicken has a nice base tan. Add the chicken stock to the same pot; add more water if need more liquid. Throw in dry wild rice, tomatoes, corn, & carrots. Add 1/2 tsp crushed red pepper and about 4 tbsp chopped parsley.  Cover, bring to boil, turn down heat and simmer on LOW about 40 minutes. Remove from heat, add salt / pepper to taste if needed, and about 3 tablespoons of lemon juice. Let stand covered for about 20 mins. to an hr.

Serve with fresh chopped parsley, and more crushed red pepper if you like ulcers. 

Zucchini Pancakes

Are there any vegetarians up in here? Holla! This one’s for you. I strongly recommend that you invest in a food processor. And not just the 2 cup-mini prep one you cheapskate, those suck. Aside from a lost finger or two they really do make your life a lot easier. If you don’t own one – that’s cool -just use a grater like a caveman. 

I present, the Zucchini Pancake.

You will need (for 6-7 cakes):

 2 large zucchinis, grated.

1 egg, beaten

1 tsp white or wheat flower

1/2  tsp cumin

1/2 tsp salt

ground black pepper

Sour Cream

Sriracha (optional)

Grate the zucchinis in the food processor, or the pre-historic way on a grater. Just make sure to grate on the large holes, and please be considerate and remove any knuckle skin that you may have inadvertently grated into the bowl. Salt the shredded zucchini, mix thoroughly and leave to drain in a colander for about 15 minutes so it releases liquid. Squeeze as much  liquid out from the zucchini as possible. Drink it. Just kidding, that’s disgusting. Discard it. In a separate bowl mix the rest of the ingredients with the beaten egg. Add zucchini, and mix thoroughly. Heat 1-2 tbsp olive oil in a large skillet, form the zucchini mixture into flat-tish cakes about the size of your palm, and fry on medium heat COVERED for about 7 minutes, or until browned. Uncover, flip the cakes and brown the other side for about 5 minutes on medium. Serve with a dollop (Gawd, I hate that word) of sour cream and a spooge of Sriracha.

Woo-Hoo! Peace out. 

Spicy Ahi Tuna

What’ up, my Peeps!

It’s been ages since I’ve seen you. I missed you. Did you miss me? I hope you’ve been well. Today, for your pleasure, I have con-cockted this Ahi Tuna Poke. It’s spicy, it’s tasty, and this beats paying $16 for it at the restaurant. You will need all (or at least most) of the items below, plus some Mayo which was too shy for the photo shoot. It was being fussy and having a bad hair day. But I digress….

You Will need:

Palm-sized sushi grade Ahi Tuna steak, diced into small cubes.

2 tsp. Soy sauce

½ tsp. Sesame Seed oil

1 tsp Sriracha hot sauce

1 tbsp Mayo-nayo-naise

½ tsp chili paste (optional)

1 tsp rice vinegar (optional)

½ tsp Sesame seeds

1 tbsp chopped cilantro

Here’s “just the tip” before starting: prior to dicing, put the tuna steak in the freezer for about 20 minutes. It’s way easier to dice this way, otherwise you will end up with mashed up tuna blobs, not pretty. Dice the aforementioned tuna into small-ish dice. Mix all other ingredients except sesame seeds in a separate bowl & dump in the tuna dice. Mix thoroughly, refrigerate for about 20 mins.  Serve on a cracker, or just as is. Thank me later with a shoulder massage, ‘cuz this recipe is the shit.